This post is my anti-post against all those “best of 2015” and “what to expect in 2016” and “12 days of marketing” posts that are drowning my social feeds at the moment!

Here are my 4 un-predictions (yes I know it’s not a word, but we make up so many words in marketing I thought I could get away with it).

Un-prediction number one – straight up computerised Gs
Gangster robots will write all of our content. In 2016 robot gangsters will take over our content marketing efforts, gunning down marketers in their droves. Drive-bys, 1-8-7s and generally holding guns sideways will become a common and bloody scene in most marketing departments. Our content marketing efforts will stay the same, but to keep it interesting we’ll now have gangster rap speak infused with the content. It’s happening already and below is just the start… Gangster Lorem Ispum

Break yo neck, yall ipsizzle dolizzle dawg amizzle, that’s the shizzle adipiscing fo. Mofo yippiyo velit, fo shizzle my nizzle volutpizzle, shiz quizzle, gravida yippiyo, ma nizzle. Pellentesque nizzle tortor. Fizzle eros. Bow wow wow my shizz dolor fizzle turpis tempus bling bling. Maurizzle dizzle shizznit my shizz turpizzle. Brizzle izzle fo shizzle my nizzle. Pellentesque crazy rhoncizzle ma nizzle. Stuff hac daahng dawg hizzle dictumst. Shizzle my nizzle crocodizzle dapibizzle. Curabitur tellizzle urna, crazy eu, mattizzle izzle, shut the shizzle up vitae, nunc. Funky fresh suscipizzle. Integer uhuh … yih! pot dang.

Nunc mah nizzle lorizzle, shiznit ac, stuff eget, fo shizzle id, diam. Etizzle ma nizzle doggy fo shizzle sizzle hendrerit mattizzle. Boom shackalack rizzle magna in dawg commodo ma nizzle. Etizzle we gonna chung fermentizzle da bomb. For sure you son of a bizzle. Black quis gangsta pimpin’ dolizzle we gonna chung auctizzle. Ghetto sagittis viverra urna. Curabitur sollicitudin things go to hizzle purus. Morbi get down get down ligula sizzle amet tellus. Nizzle owned enizzle vitae gangsta. Cum socizzle the bizzle penatibizzle et magnis doggy parturient montes, nascetizzle ridiculus mus.

You can check out more here.

Un-prediction number two – the drone apocalypse
Drones will become our only method of communication. Everyone is saying email is dead and soon it will be, literally.  In 2016, drones will grow arms and tear down Hotmail, Gmail and exchange servers around the world. The only method of communication will be “beaming” your message via AirDrop (for Mac users) and NFC (for Windows (please mind those blades)). The drone will pick up the message, travel to where it needs to be delivered and beam it back to the user’s desktop, or mobile device. The one good thing to come out of this is that it might reduce inter-office communication, due to the lack of “fly zone” within buildings. The bad news is we won’t be able to see the sun for drones in the air. See more here.

 

amazon

Un-prediction number three – I love the crackle
As Jehst once put it, “I love the crackle on the old vinyl, I rock break loops/and make moves from my HQ/I stay true to the ancient ways”. Vinyl is back! Whilst overall consumption of music is up 4%, vinyl sales have risen 56% year-on-year.  What does this mean? People will no longer be listening to podcasts on their smartphones or MP3s but insisting on vinyl-only subscriptions and walking around with these bad boys.

This is great news for marketers all round the world!! Not only will we able to start charging for our podcasts, or at very least postage and packaging, but with a 12 inch vinyl just think what we can do with at all that space on the sleeve for messaging.

sound-burger

 

Un-prediction number four – banners beat cute puppies and kittens
Gone are the days when you were more likely to give birth to twins and be struck by lightning than click on a website banner ad! Banner ads in 2016 are now so intrusive (they have got round ad blockers that display cute puppies and kittens instead of the ads) but are also more exciting than the content on the page itself. In 2016 we see an almost 100% click-through rate from banner advertising globally.

So there you have my 4 un-predictions for 2016. Hopefully that gave you a giggle rather than the usual. It’s all-pretty ridiculous but ’tis the time to be a bit ridiculous (I mean a fat guy dressed in red managing to deliver all the presents in 24 hours is pretty ridiculous, right?)

So which was your favourite, do you have any un-predictions for 2016 or the future?

You can follow me @brandjoe

Happy Chrimbo people, hope you enjoy the festivities and see you in 2016 for more ridiculousness and a lot of fun!

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